Merry Christmas? Hell No!
by corneroffandom
Summary: Kane always get his way. Even at Christmas.


_How about this? If we win tonight, you can come over to my house for Christmas._

_...Can I beat up Santa too?_

_Sure, why not._

Unfortunately they lose. Daniel annoys Kane to the point that he leaves the ringside area, the smaller man's bragadocious claims that he could beat Big Show on his own echoing in the monster's head, causing him to opt to watch from the ramp as Daniel gets chokeslammed for his trouble. It's only when Show moves for the KO punch that Kane rushes in, runs the larger athlete off and half-guards, half-mocks Daniel as he struggles to regain awareness.

They argue all the way back to the hotel, as they do nearly every day unless they're just too tired or beat up to even focus on the never ending competition between them to out-yell the other. Kane then ignores Daniel as he storms into the bathroom and takes it over with his strange vegan shampoos and soaps, settling in with a remote to flick through some TV channels for anything worthwhile. There very rarely is anything on that's demented enough for the Devil's favorite demon but he still keeps trying. Since Daniel refuses to watch TV, doesn't even own one in his own home, Kane is at least relieved that they never end up arguing over what to watch. Instead they just argue over everything else.

Finally after almost half an hour, Daniel leaves the bathroom and Kane doesn't respond, eyes locked on the flicker of the TV as he goes from channel to channel. After a few minutes of listening to the shorter man huff and mumble viciously to himself while sorting through his clothes- what sounds not-so-suspiciously like _no, no, no_- Kane stands and enters the bathroom for his own pre-bed rituals. Yes, even demons have them.

When he exits, hair wet and clinging to his ever-present mask, he's unsurprised to find Daniel already asleep, his fists clenched tightly against the bedding pooled around his waist. Daniel never really looks peaceful or particularly happy- not that Kane _cares_ about either of those things, really- but something about his rest now seems even more uncomfortable than usual. He ponders the match earlier, how Big Show had so easily slung him around while Kane only watched from the sidelines and... yeah. It's an almost alien sensation but he feels somewhat _guilty_ about it.

Kane never sleeps a lot, not enjoying the almost vulnerable state he's in when he's in repose, even when he has a tag partner just across the room from him- he'd had bad enough luck with tag partners over the years that he doesn't risk it, _especially _then. So he sits and he stares. Normally at nothing, sometimes at the TV. Tonight he just happens to be watching Daniel through the shadows, how he grimaces when he moves in his sleep and shudders sometimes, mumbling the ever present _No_ under his breath. He knows how creepy it probably seems, but he doesn't care. He's Kane, creepy's in his nature, after all.

After Daniel had invited him earlier, he had had a brief moment of speculation on _what_ exactly Christmas at Daniel's would've been like. He could've brought a freshly cooked turkey or ham just to annoy his tag partner, sat around and freaked out whatever other guests he'd invited... then, later on, waiting and watching for Santa. Not that he knows if Daniel has a chimney _for_ the overly jolly man to go down anyway, but hey...

Either way, it doesn't matter. They'd lost and Daniel hadn't mentioned the invite since then. He _almost_ feels disappointed but also unsurprised. Even if they'd won, he doubts Daniel would've followed through with the invite. He's used to spending Christmas alone anyway.

His mind has wandered so sufficiently that it takes Daniel snapping his fingers right in front of his face to attract his attention. He jerks back and almost punches at the shorter man instinctively, catching himself just in time to lower his twitching fist back to his side. "What do _you_ want?" he snaps, eyes blazing under his mask at being caught unaware so easily.

"Were you... watching me _sleep?"_ Daniel demands, sounding equally disturbed and amused at the prospect.

"Hell no!" Kane all but yells, sending his blurry eyed tag partner stumbling back a few steps.

"Seemed like it to me," he huffs, glaring at Kane's back as he turns away from him. "Rude..." Grumbling under his breath, he begins to adjust his sheets to try to resume his poor attempts at sleeping off the agony his whole body is in after that match. He's just resettled in, trying to get comfortable though he knows it's a wasted venture, when he notices that Kane still has his back to him, and seems to just be staring at the opposing wall. "What is _with_ you?" he demands, a shudder of unease passing up his spine as he peers through the gloom at the large monster. He'd been intimidated by Kane quite a few times over the past year, but this is something different. If he didn't know better, he'd say he seemed... _disappointed._

He receives no answer and frowns, trying to think about what could bring out this sort of reaction. He _almost _is acting like he did earlier over the Thanksgiving thing, and... _Oh._ "Is this about Christmas?" Daniel _really_ wants to laugh at the very thought of The Big Red Machine reacting like _this_ over not being invited on the holidays (He could almost understand a holiday like Halloween or something, but _Kane_ freaking out over _Christmas?_ Wow.) but something stops him. Kane's shoulders tense at the very mention of it, like he _expects_ Daniel to mock him for this, and Daniel finds himself feeling rarely compassionate towards his tag partner.

"No! Why would I care about that obnoxious holiday? I was just... going along with you earlier, I really don't care one way or the other about it."

Even with his back turned, Kane is an unconvincing liar and Daniel rolls his eyes. "Sure you don't." They sit in silence, both stewing over various things, before Daniel sighs. "Kane?" No answer and he grimaces. "Oh Kaaaaaaaane. Hey, Kane. Kane. Hey-"

"What?!"

Smirking at so easily annoying him into answering, Daniel stares at his profile in the dark room, wondering what physical and psychological torture Kane could possibly cause to his various guests. And how enjoyable it could be... After all, their tag team had partially formed based on madness such as that, their understanding of each other beginning after they'd caused physical harm to that annoying Harold guy in group. Finally he finds the words, opts to keep it simple. "Do you want to come over to my place for Christmas?"

Kane huffs. "Stop mocking me."

Daniel gives him a minute, letting his words hang on the air. Losing some of the flippant tone that he'd started off with, he tries again. "I'm being serious. Do you want to come over or not?"

Kane _finally_ turns around and they stare at each other, his eyes glinting in the small holes in his mask as a smirk slowly overtakes his lips, an evil chuckle filling the room. Daniel starts to second guess the invite.

Late Christmas Eve, Kane sits up on Daniel's couch and he watches. He waits. After some wheedling, Daniel's invite had extended to re-include, yes, beating up Santa Claus as well, which meant Kane was welcome over on Christmas Eve _and_ Day. As long as he promised not to set anything ablaze unless asked to, and tried not to completely traumatize whatever carolers may show up. Santa, though a bit of a slow learner, had stopped coming Kane's way a _long_ time ago so his staying overnight at Daniel's is his only opportunity to actually catch the obnoxiously cheery man. Similarily, Kane had learned _his_ lesson about mall Santas... not the real thing, just equally as annoying. Who knew?

Hours pass and he's still sitting there, blankly watching the lights of Daniel's Christmas tree flickering, when finally he hears _it._ A soft thud overhead, followed by footsteps crunching faintly against the roof. His senses have always been sharp and he tracks the movements as they near Daniel's chimney- to Kane's utter amusement and relief that he'd had one, after all- just for a large, velvet bag to be tossed in first, landing with a solid thump and rolling into the main room. Kane disregards it immediately, tilting his head as he listens to Santa make his way into the chimney, mumbling and making soft oof sounds when he inevitably gets stuck.

The moment that Kane'd been waiting for, he smirks and lifts his arms. Sending them back down viciously, a tower of flame shoots up through the chimney and hits its mark, Santa's screams fading away into the night as he's seemingly forced clear out of the chimney to who knows where. His chuckles grow into all out, maddened laughter, and after awhile Daniel joins him, looking bleary and hesitant to find out just what Kane has done now. He trips across Santa's abandoned bag and almost clocks his head on the mantel but catches himself at the last moment. Glaring from the bag to his still chuckling partner, he frowns. "What did you do?"

"What did I say I'd do?" He sneers as Daniel grows a bit pale in the soft light of the tree and, finally standing from the couch, kicks at the bag full of gifts as he passes it on his way to the front door. "Come on."

Despite his still being half asleep, Daniel knows not to let his partner out of his sight, especially when in view of his neighbors. "Where are we going?"

"To look at Santa's reindeer, of course. Maybe there'll be one of your kind there too." When he's stared at in confusion, he smirks. "You know, a goat." Daniel's vicious mumbling not getting Kane down, he sweeps the front door open and marches through the grass before turning and looking up. "Well, well, well." He adjusts his glove and sneers, flames in his eyes like he can just _picture_ doing to the majestic beasts what he did to Santa only minutes earlier.

Daniel rushes over and looks up too, agape at the beautiful creatures lined up on his roof. Noticing the look on Kane's face, he shakes his head viciously, finding the courage to grab his arm and grip tightly, finally gaining his complete attention. "_No!_" he snaps with all of the determination he can muster, eyes narrowing as Kane stares back at him. "No."

Kane's face goes decidedly blank and they stand, watching together as the reindeer prance and scratch their hooves against Daniel's roof, finally seeming to realize that their owner isn't returning. Moving as one, the creatures take a running start and float off of the edge, now dragging the empty sleigh with them and apparently heading back to the North Pole, their mission incomplete.

After they've disappeared into the horizon, Team Hell No return to the house, Kane as happy as he ever gets and Daniel mulling over everything. "You know you've just ruined Christmas for, basically, the whole world?"

"Yes. Isn't it fantastic?" Daniel rolls his eyes at him and turns away, wanting nothing more than to return to the peaceful solitude of his bedroom and forget this ever happened. He'd decide what to do with the bag full of presents in the morning. "Daniel?" When he pauses and turns around, Kane is actually sprawled out on his couch, looking like he may sleep for once. Probably aglow in what he considers to be a job well done, _his_ mission complete. "Merry Christmas."

It's so freakin' ridiculous, Kane probably _killing_ Santa and then turning around and wishing him _that_ that Daniel isn't sure whether to yell at him or laugh aloud, but finally he just takes the deep breaths that Dr. Shelby had tried getting him to incorporate in attempts to keep his temper at bay, letting them out desperately. "Merry Christmas," he forces out, before turning once more and heading to his bedroom, shaking his head back and forth wildly. If he hadn't been unbalanced before, this whole night definitely would've done it...

Hours later, a charred, wet Santa stares balefully at Mrs. Claus as she bustles around, trying to clean the soot out of his hair and off of his skin before she lets him into the house. "If the reindeer hadn't found you...!" she chatters on nervously, shaking her head at the state of his clothes. "Who would _do_ something like this?"

"Team Hell No," he says faintly as she tsks over him, only slowing down when he reaches out to take her hand and calm her anxious movements. "I would throw them coal as I went over in my sleigh but I think they'd _enjoy_ it..."


End file.
